Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
I spend a lot of time alone.
I love my solitude, and as I grow older, I find joy in going on solo dates and taking international solo trips. I embrace attending events alone, and trying new activities on my own.
Spending time alone teaches you a lot about yourself. You also learn a lot by doing things by yourself while stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Recently, however, things feel different. I can’t quite pinpoint why. My energy has shifted, and I feel an even stronger desire to be alone than to connect with others.
I’ve struggled to understand these feelings until I stumbled upon Dr. Nicole LePera’s Instagram posts (@the.holistic.psychologist), where I learned about the cocoon stage of healing.
So, what is the cocoon stage of healing?
It’s a confusing period where you question various aspects of your life: childhood experiences, family dynamics, and your current reality.
It’s a season of life where you feel overstimulated, mentally and emotionally drained, and just..burnt out.
You feel called to rest and retreat from the hustle and bustle of life—away from friends, family, social media, and other distractions. Socializing less, you become more selective with your energy and the company you keep.
You’re in a “waiting” stage—living slowly and quietly but with intention. There’s no set timeframe for this stage; it could last months or even years so trust that there’s nothing wrong with you and that these temporary feelings will pass.
Although it may seem like isolation or stagnation, you’re still evolving at your own pace. Be patient when you lack the energy for socializing or past activities. Focus on nurturing yourself until you’re ready to emerge from your cocoon.
During the cocoon stage of healing:
Create space for stillness and presence. Allow yourself to just be.
Give yourself space to regulate and soothe your nervous system. Look inwards and connect with yourself without fixing, chasing, or forcing anything. Release the need to improve yourself, and instead, look at the bigger picture of what has been working for you and celebrate the smallest wins. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to process, grieve and reflect on your innermost thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to feel and be—without judgment, shame, or criticism.
Take time to do a life audit and set firm boundaries.
Let’s take a step back and reevaluate your life priorities, let go of relationships that no longer serve you, and anything that doesn’t bring you happiness or contribute to your well-being. You might want more out of life and become conscious of the patterns you’ve been running your entire life. You realize that your old ways of living are no longer working for you and now, you’re ready for a change and firm boundaries around your time and energy.
Connect with your inner child and have fun!
Go on solo dates, do activities that will bring you joy, and try out a new creative project. Create elements of fun throughout your day; they can be small moments such as a spontaneous dance party in your room or randomly singing your favourite song on your drive to the grocery store. Embrace the “fuck it” energy and listen to what your inner child is telling you. Become so solid within yourself that others' presence and opinions won’t affect how you feel about yourself and how you live your life.
Practice forgiveness and self-acceptance by having conversations with your inner child.
Accept where you are and nourish yourself so you can come back to the world refreshed, energized, and inspired—ready to take action again. This is your time to practice true self-love while stepping into a new version of you. Learn who you are in this moment and forgive yourself for being in this space. Release the guilt that you are disappointing others and are responsible for their feelings. Release the shame and judgment you hold about yourself.
Ask your inner child what he/she needs throughout the day. Provide reassurance and safety for yourself through internal dialogue and consistent action. And I promise you that one day, you will wake up and realize how much you have changed—and you will be grateful—for being kind to yourself.
Remember, the cocoon stage may feel lonely, but you’re not alone. Take all the time you need until you’re ready to step back into the light as your true, authentic self.